You Gave Me Meaning Again
by Barrowman-ILove
Summary: Torchwood through the eyes of everyone's favourite tea-boy - Ianto Jones. It's about time we get to hear how things went from Ianto's perspective.  Written in 1st person, but primarily from Ianto's view on things . A Jack/Ianto story.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Notes**:

I've not written anything in a loooong time so I'm a little rusty. My bad. I apologize for the lack of awesomesauce in this, as I clearly have run low on supplies to make it so I'll have to run out and get them real soon. I had the idea a while back to write a fic based on Ianto's perspective of things throughout Torchwood, but I was too insecure to write because 1) I am shit, and 2) I don't know much about the Whoniverse or anything to really know a helluva lot of what I am talking about here, or the terms. So I'll be researching quite a bit for this, and will still given that, probably mess up a ton, so please let me know if I've totally boo-boo'd on something from Torchwood.

I'll be posting this fic directly to _**Barrowman-ILove**_ over at _**Tumblr**_ as well, so if you have Tumblr and you wish to follow there (not just for fic updates, but I am constantly posting things of the delectable Mr. John Barrowman that you'll definitely want to check out).

Okay, well, obviously I don't own Torchwood, nor do I own Ianto or Jack (cause if I did I sure as hell woud not be writing right now if you catch my drift). ;P

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><p><strong>You Gave Me Meaning Again<strong>

**C h a p t e r O n e**

by Tamara Kaulitz (Barrowman-ILove)

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><p>The swirls on the ceiling now appeared to be moving as Ianto Jones' gaze remained fixated on the point directly above his head. The clock ticked away loudly on the bedside table and although he hadn't turned to look, he knew it was earlier than he usually awoke. So there he lay, still in the sheets. Ianto had every intention of blowing off work, but he knew shirking his duties for a few extra hours in a state of unconsciousness would not be tolerated and he would most definitely hear it the next morning.<p>

Rolling over, and throwing his legs off the side of the bed, he caught the flashing green light emitting from three bright green digits reading out 5:36 AM across the screen; next to this device, stood a photo. In the photo there were two people, one of which was easily recognized as Ianto with a goofy grin on his face, and he had his arm wrapped around the waist of a woman with an equally toothy, albeit ecstatic, smile. The location looked like a park somewhere, with lots of grass and trees behind them and a few straggling people in the background walking by; a couple on a park bench; a spouting fountain.

Ianto smiled, reaching out to grab the frame, as he recalled that day a moment in his mind. It was a good day. One of the better days he'd had in a long time. But sadly, these moments would yet again be a thing of the past; he ran his fingers over the woman's face, her beautiful features causing it to light up with her expression.

"Lisa..." Ianto spoke aloud absentmindedly, she had been his girlfriend once. Once in the not too distant past. It had been several months since the result of the Cybermen's experimentation had turned her into a monster; no longer the human being he'd fallen in love with, but a hybrid set on making him just the same. Although he held the gun and pointed it right at her, in the end, it was the team that pulled the trigger, Torchwood Three. The people whom he'd been deceiving the past many moons in smuggling what was once Lisa Hallett into the the facility and stopping at nothing to find a way to turn her back again. However, his attempts failed, just as he'd been told they would, just like _he_ said.

Captain Jack Harkness: enigmatic, cocky, and the annoyingly good-looking leader of Torchwood Three, somehow had wormed his way into Ianto's head, nevertheless ignoring his attempts to keep him from doing so. As much as it killed the man to admit, Jack was without a doubt the present occupant of Ianto's thoughts as of late. The visions of his past love were quickly stepping aside, as if they knew something he didn't yet and dared not get in the way no matter how persistent Ianto was to keep them in the forefront.

"Dammit!" The young male cursed loudly, slamming his hand down hard on the table by the stove, where he had stopped to think in the kitchen whilst brewing himself a fresh pot of java. A spoon he'd gotten out and placed on a freshly washed saucer rattled against the ceramic. He could almost hear the Captain's voice in his head chuckling, followed by a smug comment that always came paired with it. It wasn't long after finally snagging a position on staff of Torchwood Three that Ianto discovered Jack's laughter was quickly becoming infectious to him, and just thinking about it caused him to echo it in his own Welsh tone and a number of typical 'Jack' flirtations came to mind, thus making it impossible not to turn a couple shades brighter.

The coffee maker behind him protesting with a series of loud beeps brought Ianto back and upon noting the time on the clock mounted on the wall he darted a bit quicker to it, pressing down the grounds and then hastily pouring himself a cup. It was still very early, and surely he would be the first of the team, apart from Jack, to reach the Hub, but Ianto Jones was nothing if not over punctual – cause you never know.

Bypassing the milk, the broad man swallowed a healthy gulp of the steaming liquid, pausing a minute to familiarize himself with the rich taste of caffeine. One he'd grown quite fond of since Lisa's unhealthy need for a cuppa every morn; the one he'd been more than happy to make for her when she was sick, or slept in, or ..unable to move from the immense pain her mechanical body had shot through her with each breath.

His face fell at the memory, and it wasn't long before more flooded his head again making him nauseous. Slurping back the remainder of his drink, Ianto grabbed his keys and jacket from the hook by the door and left the apartment. Deciding on the stairs rather than the elevator, and bypassing the parking garage where is car was parked, he started out on foot towards the docks. The fresh air would do him good.

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><p>"Ianto Jones, Right on schedule!"<p>

The big metal door to the hub hadn't even finished rolling open before Ianto's ears were greeted by the voice of his boss. It wasn't exactly a surprise that Jack was here this early, but honestly the young man didn't expect him to be awake. Many a time he could remember coming in in the morning to their Captain fast asleep at his desk, or fallen back on the couch, papers strewn across the table in front of him, and an empty cup that reeked heavily of some kind of foreign liquor next to him.

Stepping into full view, Ianto's eyes scanned the room for the voice that had called out to him, finding him in a matter of seconds standing on the upper level, against the rail. He wore a pair of charcoal trousers and a sky-blue button down done up only a few at the bottom, the rest open to reveal the damp flesh of his chest as opposed to the usual white under-shirt beneath. It was evident he was dressing when he'd arrived and didn't bother to finish. Ianto stopped himself from staring when he noticed that there had been an uncomfortably long pause between Jack's declaration and his entrance, and busied himself with getting to work on the clutter.

"Did you need something, sir?"

"Yeah. Meet me in my office when you've finished with that," Jack pushed back from the railing and turned in the direction of the steps, descending them two at a time. Ianto didn't look up, neatening a jumble of papers that had fallen to the floor into a stack and tucking them under his arm to take and sort through later. He waited for the sound of the office door shutting behind the older man, but it never came and so he glanced up only to find him standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, watching him with salacious eyes.

"By the way," he said grinning, "Love the suit."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: **If I can get enough reviews I'll post more soon. The more reviews the happier I is and the more likely I am to get to work on the next chapter, but if I can't feel the love how will I know if I should even bother. No point if no one likes it or will read it. ! REVIEWS PLEASE AND I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!

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><p><strong>You Gave Me Meaning Again<strong>

**C h a p t e r T w o**

by Tamara Kaulitz (Barrowman-ILove)

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><p>The day went by slowly, as there hadn't been much alien activity that warranted Torchwood's aid. In the past couple months he had been receiving ample amounts of time alone at the Hub to pretty much do as he pleased. Unless radioed in to do a search through the system, or report back to where Toshiko sat in the R.V. unable to access the main computer without remote authorization, the nights got pretty lonely. Tonight Ianto wasn't minding the company of his team.<p>

There had been a time not too long ago when he would have resorted to anything to send them running for the door without so much as a word. Perhaps due to the urgency of a false rift spike analysis he'd printed out and left oh so subtly at Tosh's work-station, or a bogus report of Weevils spotted terrorizing the locals of Cardiff. When it had been his sole goal to return his former love back from metal, electrical surges and malicious intent, to her human form of flesh, blood and a beating heart. But there was no need anymore, cause now Lisa was gone, and being alone in an empty headquarters frightened him, leaving him with nightmares he was certain no matter of retcon would be able to wipe clean.

Ianto exhaled loudly, releasing the air in the form of a sigh, and gathered a number of cups filled with piping hot, dark liquid on a tray. He made his rounds with refreshments, as he did every night at this precise time, receiving a warm smile from and a moan of approval from Gwen as she sipped tentatively, and gracious nods from both Tosh and Owen as they took the cups from him and continued working. Ianto carried the last cup swiftly to the conference room where he knew Jack was currently resting off the stress of a rather lengthy and unexpected phone-call he'd taken from UNIT.

Nudging the door open with his foot then spotting the Captain snoozing in his chair, Ianto quietly walked towards him. Setting the cup on the table in front of him, but not before being sure to lay down a coaster so as not to leave a ring of moisture on the finish, Ianto stood wondering how it best to wake him. The chairs were designed more for function than comfort in mind, so he'd assuredly be most stiff when he awoke.

"Sir," he said, lightly shaking Jack's arm with his free hand, the other moving papers into organized piles but careful not to disrupt their obviously sequential order.

Jack stirred, and his eyes opened fleetly; lifting his head from the table and leaning back in his chair, he rubbed at his eyes. "Ianto.. Shit! How long have I been out?" he asked worriedly - he'd been expecting an important call and only intended to rest his eyes a short while while he waited.

"Thirty minutes, sir. Should I not have woken you?" Jack looked exhausted, and Ianto was already greatly regretting his decision to disturb him.

"Nah, it's fine, I can't afford to sleep anyway. Too much to do, too much to do," came the Jack's response, and he reached for the cup before him, bringing it up to his lips. A waft of fragrance -uniquely Jack- hit Ianto like a bag of bricks to the nose, almost knocking him back a few paces. Every time he thought he had developed a slight desensitization to it, he was proved wrong.

The coffee was strong, Ianto had always loved that smell, it kept him off edge; so brewing it was one of the things he most enjoyed about this job. However, it's pleasant scent was almost rendered unnecessary to calm his nerves when Captain Harkness was around, as _his_ smell was intoxicating to say the least.

'_51__St__-centry pheromones_' Jack called it, the first time he'd inquired about the delicious bouquet whilst they stood pressed against the back door to an abandoned warehouse, an excitable Myfanwy on the interior squawking loudly as it waited for them to return for another round. Ianto loved that smell, and though he wasn't sure why, he couldn't help but crave it – though he'd never said anything he was sure Jack knew.

Eager to free himself from the close proximity of the Captain, unsure of how much of that scent it would take to drive him mad, and lacking the understanding to see why it had that effect on him, Ianto turned quickly on his heel noticing Jack had delved back into the pile of paperwork he'd just tidied out of habit.

This had been happening a lot as of late; the inability to think, form coherent sentences, and overall function normally. It didn't take a genius to notice that every one of these incidents occurred within the presence of Jack Harkness. At first Ianto chalked it all up to stress, mourning even, but as the months passed and he was becoming more and more accustomed to the fact that Lisa's face would not be the first he'd see every morning, and his work-load had been cut down significantly due to the fewer number of alien threats in Cardiff at this time, there wasn't a hell of a lot left to strain him.

"Ianto?" A deep voice interrupted his thoughts and he noticed that he'd stopped just short of the door. "Are you alright?" Jack was looking up at him, his piercing blue eyes fixed. He knew sometimes the weight of the world and extra-terrestrial dangers kept his mind busy a lot of the time and he didn't ask about the well-being of his staff nearly enough, though despite what they might think of him their safety and well-being really did concern him.

Ianto smiled softly and nodded. Jack didn't seem convinced, he tossed the pen he held in his hand on the table and stood, lifting his coat from the chair next to him. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

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><p>The car ride to Ianto's flat felt longer than the day had passed and the awkward silence wasn't making the atmosphere at all comfortable. It was easy to see from day one that the young man wasn't one for talking. It's not that he was afraid to per-say, just that he didn't feel he had much to say and for the most part kept to himself unless his input was required or asked for. When it came to Jack, however, communication proved to be more difficult at times, a struggle even. It was as if he felt he had to work harder to sound more intelligent or witty around him to even come close to competing with his enigmatic persona or risk coming off as a bore. At the end of the day, the question he always reverted back to was 'Why does it matter?'<p>

Apart from the occasional 'Turn here' to confirm that the man in the drivers seat was on the right path, Ianto sat quietly in the passenger staring blankly out the window, not really taking in the sights of the buildings, trees and other obstacles he saw every morning on his way in to work and night on his walk or the bus-ride home, but making it look as though he was so he wouldn't have to meet Jack's occasional glances to his side of the SUV.

Rounding a few more corners, and a couple more bends, Ianto was surprised he actually felt relieved to see the building to his flat a short ways off in the distance. Each day the idea of having to be alone with his boss at one point or another plagued him and as odd as it sounded, it terrified him.

"Uh ..thanks." Ianto said all too quickly, jumping from the vehicle, not bothering to tack on the usual 'Sir' because it would only increase the amount of time he had to spend in that car, if even by a few moments. Shutting the door at such a similar speed so as not to allow a word from Jack, he began the walk towards the building, not once looking back, and trying his best to slow down his steps so it wasn't obvious how eager he was to get away. It wasn't until the cool handle of the front door was in his grip that he started to relax, and he rummaged through his pockets for his key.

Once in the building Ianto's heart rate began to slow and he let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding in. He elected to take the stairs this time instead of the elevator, taking them one at a time as opposed to the usual two. He decided come work tomorrow morning he would blame his behaviour on his inability to move on, and hoped that the others would buy it. The rest of the team might, but somehow Jack had a way of knowing otherwise; he always managed to find out when something was up – he just knew.

A large bevelled number '4' hanging on the wall in the stairwell indicated there were only two flights left and that's when Ianto picked up the pace, suddenly more eager to reach is flat that he'd been once he started at the staircase foot. Ianto's heart started to beat faster, and he knew exactly why; he could hear his name being called behind him. He knew the voice. Stopping dead half-way between the fourth and fifth floors, he turned reluctantly to see yet again the man he'd been avoiding sprinting up the steps after him, the tie Ianto had loosened from his neck, in the car -where it felt as though it was constricting tighter and tighter the longer he sat- swinging back and forth in his grip.

"Wouldn't want to forget this," the corners of Jack's mouth turned up slightly, enough to reveal his perfect smile and at that exact moment the other man's knees to buckle. Ianto reached out for the railing just in time in an effort to mask the slip-up, but at the same moment the Captain threw out an arm for support as well. "Woah woah woah!" he exclaimed, a flicker of worry now on his face, replacing the smile that was there just a second ago. "Ianto, are you sure you're okay?"

"Of course, sir. Just.. uh.." he tried to think up an excuse.

"Is it.. Lisa?" Ianto nodded the moment the words left Jack's mouth, determining that it was still probably a valid reason, better than anything he'd be able to come up with on the spot, and it wasn't entirely wrong either; he still was quite torn up about it, and it would explain a lot, but his boss didn't need to know that was not the source for his most recent embarrassment.

The presence of the man before him began to filter it's way through Ianto's senses, effecting each one differently, as he moved closer. "Come here," he said, and in a matter of minutes Ianto found himself in Jack's arms, and although his entire body froze up at first contact, he soon found the touch was really what he needed and he welcomed the comforting gesture. Jack had always been a very tactile person, it was the way he showed he cared, and so when words would fail it was always the next best resort.

What frightened Ianto the most was not his need to be held, he'd been through a terrible ordeal with the loss of Lisa and no one would expect otherwise from anyone placed in that situation. No, what scared him most was the fact that over these past couple months, with all the sympathetic words and empathetic touches -you know, the ones people feel obligated to give just to say they made an effort at consolation- this one, felt, genuine.


	3. Chapter 3

Ianto Jones woke abruptly from sound sleep the moment the smell of caffeine and his nearly consciousness collided. It was a smell he was quite accustomed to ever since Lisa first moved in, but it was not one he ever expected to assault his senses again, as the only time he made it anymore was for the team.

Light was streaming in through an open window at the far end of the room, followed closely with the breezy morning air. Ianto took his time gathering himself and when he was sure he could stand without collapsing right back onto the bed he shuffled off to the kitchen, following the heavenly aroma.

It was a Saturday, a day any other normal person would relish due to the opportunity of a few extra hours sleep, but the weekend could hardly be classified as a holiday when you work for Torchwood. Although it rarely happened, Ianto could easily recall still a good number of times he'd been texted a location, called up during lunch, or met at the door by a certain dashing Captain; barely giving Ianto a moment to grab his coat as he ushered the young man out the flat, urgency relayed in his smooth American accent as he explained the emergency and determination in his eye.

Atop the marble counter-top, sat his favourite mug, filled to the brim with the deliciously strong black liquid. It was still steaming, which lead Ianto to believe it hadn't been more than a few minutes since it was poured. He picked up the cup and inhaled the powerful aroma, about to take a cautious sip before the cellular he'd left charging on the table in the sitting area belted out it's annoying jingle default.

Picking up the small mobile in his unoccupied hand, Ianto caught the flashing digits of a number he didn't recognize. He'd been receiving a lot of hassle from telemarketers and damn automated systems calling to thank him for business he hadn't the foggiest of having done in the first place, or trying to talk him into signing up for a new credit card; so he'd made it a habit to immediately add 'unknowns' -as he put them- to Junk mail. The phone kept on protesting in his hands, now switching to a more subtle approach at getting Ianto's attention and buzzing softly after he'd clicked off the ringer. If it were a bloody 'marketer they would have given up now -he'd managed to work out just how long the average one held on for before moving on to the next down the list- but this one was persistent.

Ianto groaned and finally tapped the green flashing button with his thumb and brought it to his ear ready to tell them off. "Listen, whatever it is you are selling, I'm not interested, okay. So bugger off!" An all too acquainted chortle on the other line made his face instantly heat, and he knew without so much as a glance in the mirror that hung on the wall behind his head, he'd gone a whole shade passed that of embarrassment.

"Ah, so forceful, Jones, Ianto Jones. Really had me goin'" Jack's voice filed his ear, and unconsciously upon hearing it Ianto's hand shot up to adjust his tie – a tie he hadn't yet put on. The Captain was smiling still, Ianto could tell just hearing him, but it was always a safe bet that he was. Come to think of it, rarely did he come across the elder man when he wasn't smiling, and those very few times he always paused whatever it was he was doing long enough to display one for Ianto the moment there eyes locked. Ianto ignored the fluttering sensation this caused in his gut and swallowed.

"Sir ..I uh ..sorry. I though you were.. never mind. Uhm, ..Why are you up so early?" he glanced at his watch – it was just past six.

"Couldn't sleep," came the reply. Ianto distinctly remembered being told that he never could and wondered why that was. He could almost hear the weariness in Jack's voice, and he grimaced empathetically. You wouldn't know of his insomnia to look at him though, Jack was always so on the ball and full of energy. As the boss of any job, even more so one requiring you to be on the constant look out for alien life forms or strange entities tumbling out of the rift, you so have to be on top of your game.

"How was the coffee?" But of course it was Jack who had made it. The past night was one of the worst, and actually, he was quite happy to know Jack had stayed with him even after he'd fallen asleep. It was nice to be, for once, receiving a cuppa' rather than serving it out. Up til then Ianto'd all but forgot about it, only somewhat aware there was a weighty object in his left hand, but not really registering as Jack's voice spoke to him. He took a drink, allowing the now warm liquid coat his tongue before swallowing and grinned.

"Well..., you did your best, sir" Jack laughed on the line. Ianto felt his face automatically respond, his own lips curling up in reciprocation to the grin he knew his boss sported at that very moment. He placed his keys next to his mobile on the island and hastily buttoned his shirt, holding the phone tight to his ear.

"How are you feeling today, Ianto" Jack's voice took on more serious tone.

"I'm fine," Jack repeated his name unconvinced as to Ianto's response. "I'm fine, sir." He knew this answer wasn't at all persuasive, however, it was fortunate that Jack also knew that arguing this any further wouldn't do much either. Ianto Jones was a stubborn man, almost as much as he. Jack recalled the first day he'd met him; he'd come to him for a job. No matter how many times he denied him, Ianto didn't quit, and as much as he hated to admit it, he'd liked that in him.

"Alright," he said, "I'll see you back at the Hub ... Or would you like the ride with the Captain?" Taking the room in a few strides, sliding back the door to the balcony and stepping out, Ianto couldn't help but grin at the sight of the Torchwood SUV parked outside and the tall, dark man in a long military coat leaning against the hood.


End file.
